69 Things All Twentysomething Straight Guys Love

1. Giant Jenga

2. Following car accounts on Instagram

3. Following Emily Ratajknkjjki on Instagram

4. Never cutting their toenails

5. 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioners

6. 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body washes

7. Trying to convince people that Androids are better than iPhones

8. The American flag

9. Using empty liquor bottles as home décor

10. Generally under-furnishing their apartments

11. Their March Madness bracket

12. Laughing at videos of people falling

13. Energy drinks

14. Mentioning that they tore their ACL in high school

15. Talking about high school in general

16. Meat (specifically steak)

17. Not listing their zodiac signs on Bumble

18. Pretending not to know their zodiac sign

19. Naming their bongs

20. Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard Whey Protein

21. Guy Fieri

22. Being “in charge of the aux”

23. “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen

24. Photoshopping “This could be you!” over their ex’s face in their dating app photo

25. Referring to sex as “making whoopie”

26. The Big Lebowski

27. Fireball

28. Calling their friends “the boys”

29. Group chats with “the boys”

30. Trying to bring back “icing”

31. Pretending to like cigars

32. Memes

33. Calling their girlfriend “this one”

34. Not knowing what bronzer does

35. Migos

36. Having strong brand loyalty to a specific beer

37. Complaining about not being able to grow a full beard

38. Complaining about their receding hairline

39. Game of Thrones

40. That guy who makes those satirical videos on PornHub

41. Opening bottles with lighters

42. Having a watch collection

43. Saying they like dogs more than cats

44. The Grateful Dead

45. Taylor Swift

46. Dressing up for Oktoberfest

47. SantaCon

48. St. Patrick’s Day

59. Calling St. Patrick’s Day “St. Paddy’s Day”

60. Dressing up as Jake from State Farm for Halloween

51. Friends

52. Fleece vests

53. Gender-specific product branding

54. “Wonderwall” by Oasis

55. Knowing how to play exactly two chords on the guitar

56. Saying they love when girls don’t wear a lot of makeup

57. Quoting The Office

58. Taking unflattering selfies

59. Ranting about their opinions

60. Starting their own podcasts

son: mommy what’s a podcast?
me: well, dear, when a group of men love their opinions very much…

61. “Shorts and hoodie weather”

62. Reddit

63. “Ironic” Hawaiian shirts

64. Their trophies from when they played Little League

65. Dabbing (again) “ironically”

66. Having their hand(s) down their pants at all times

67. “Old Town Road (Remix)” by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus

68. Saying, “Haha nice,” whenever they see the number 69

69. Haha nice

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